June 2005
Monthly Archive
I kick ass for the Lord!
Posted by J.A.S.O.N. on 30 Jun 2005 | Tagged as: Entertainment
Before I get too far into this, it should be known that I’m a freak for vampire movies in much the same way that Michele obsesses over zombie movies. There’s not a vampire movies that I’ve watched that I haven’t liked to some degree. I’ll watch just about any movie with vampires in it (yes, probably even vampire pr0n). It drives my wife completely nuts. Bonus points to whoever can name the movie I pulled the title of this post from.
I’ve seen Darkness Reigns. It’s gotten trashed in reviews by other people, but I liked it. Not on par with Blade or even Vampires, Los Muertos, but I watched it with much the same enthusiasm as I watch any b-rate movie. Sometimes not being a good movie makes it a good movie.
Anyway, Darkness Reigns is merely the film that leads to the next, a gateway drug, if you will. While searching for the title to it (which I ultimately found on Vampyres-online.com, probably one of the best resources available for vampire movies made to date), I ran across our second feature film. Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter.
My mind whirled at the possibilities. Vampyres-Online didn’t even list it and IMDB didn’t provide much in the way of information or a synopsis, providing only the taglinge of the movie:
The first testament says “an eye for an eye.”
The second testament says “love thy neighbour.”
The third testament… KICKS ASS!
Instead, my quest for information took me to Odessa Filmworks, which had the following description:
The second coming is upon us, and Jesus has returned to earth. But before he can get down to the serious business of judging the living and the dead, he has to contend with an army of vampires that can walk in the daylight.
Combining kung-fu action with biblical prophecy and a liberal dose of humour, the film teams the Savior with Mexican wrestling hero El Santos against mythological horrors and science gone mad, and also manages to address contemporary sexual politics. And did we mention that it’s a musical?
This sure ain’t Sunday School.
“This sure ain’t Sunday School”, indeed. By now, scenes of the priest in Dead Alive are racing through my head and I’m now quite curious as to how this movie looks. If I hadn’t wanted to see this film by now, the following two reviews on IMDB have sold me!
Its the story that the NEW Testament was scared to tell, baby and its Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter the number one movie in the religion/kung fu/lesbian/vampire genre of the year 2001.
It has all the great characters from the Bible, namely Jesus Christ. Not the whiny cry-baby Jesus from that Passion movie that gets his butt kicked. This is the true Jesus, the kung fu SUPER MESSIAH that takes names and kicks those butts.
The Vampires have started to kill and skin lesbians to use their skins so they can walk around in the daylight and only one person (or rather one MESSIAH) can kick those vampires butts.
The Holy One also has to take out some kung fu atheists along the way and he does so with the gusto that would make Bruce Lee PROUD!!
The film-makers from Ottawa, Canada fearlessly decided to make a B-movie flick that may well make Jesus Christ a major martial-arts action star… In an unnamed city (although the bilingual hospital sign in the shot points to OTTAWA), one lesbian after another is succumbing to massive blood-loss and fang-marks. The local priests suspect that fierce succubi are responsible, so they call on the help of their Lord, Jesus Christ. Jesus uncovers many opponents such as the succubi, Johnny Golgotha, a bar-room full of vampires, and the dreaded Kung-Fu Atheists, and Christ is soon forced to call upon the help of the curvaceous Mary Magnum, as well as Santos, the masked Mexican wrestler. From there, it’s a massive brawl supported by a Cast of, oh, Several Dozen, as Jesus and his homeys go Biblical on vampire buttocks. Extensive special effects such as “slow-motion” and “Jesus-time” photography enhance the story, and the Vampires soon learn why it’s not good to fight the Son of God who can be everywhere at once. Oh, yes, and God appears as a bowl of soup…
Oh look, Blockbuster has it. I can’t find it at Hollywood Video, which is too bad because I don’t rent from Blockbuster anymore.
I so can’t wait to see this!
O.J. in the morning
Posted by J.A.S.O.N. on 30 Jun 2005 | Tagged as: Babble, Internet
For the guy who did an Alta Vista search on “what is O.J. doing now”:
I don’t know. He hasn’t been calling lately to let me know. It’s cut me real deep, yo.
Are you more…
Posted by J.A.S.O.N. on 29 Jun 2005 | Tagged as: Quizzes & Memes
Are you more…
01) A person who could dance all night at a club or a person who would probably end up sitting, drinking, and watching others dance?
Definitely a person who drinks and watches other people dance. I both can’t and hate to dance. Drives my wife nuts.
02) Left brain or right brain?
Left. No, your other left.
03) Chocolate covered almonds or honey roasted peanuts?
Chocolate covered almonds
04) Apt to speak in the most descriptive manner possible or apt to speak in the most concise manner possible?
Concise.
05) Austin Powers or Dr. Evil?
Austin Powers. I mean, he gets chicks like Elizabeth Hurley, Heather Graham and Kristen Johnson. Who did Dr. Evil get? That old german chick. *cringe*
06) Likely to staple (because it’s sure even if hard to remove) or likely to use a paper clip (because it’s quick and easily undone)?
I believe you have my stapler.
07) One who would go (or has gone) to a science fiction convention or one who would/will never go to a science fiction convention?
I’ve been to a Star Trek convention before.
08) Loving pizza with ALL toppings or loving a pepperoni pizza?
Pile it on, baby! mmm…Pizza.
09) A vowel or a consonent?
A consonent. Being a vowel sounds like a crappy job.
10) Likely to exercise because it’s good for you or likely to exercise because you want to look as good as possible?
I’ve never been one to care how I really look, so it’d have to be for the health.
Poetic Justice
Posted by J.A.S.O.N. on 29 Jun 2005 | Tagged as: Politics
That shoe doesn’t quite fit so well when on the other foot, now does it?
Of course, a Supreme Court Justice is too well-connected for this to move forward, but I hope it sends a clear message to the courts about what they’ve done.
(Pun in title totally intentional)
EDIT: Bah! LGF used the exact same title first…I’m still keeping it.
Microsoft working on AJAX tools
Posted by J.A.S.O.N. on 28 Jun 2005 | Tagged as: Tech
Sounds like good news for AJAX developers, however, I’m forced to wonder if Microsoft is going to use it’s “Embrace and Extend” philosophy on this, too.
I’m not fat! I’m pregnant!
Posted by J.A.S.O.N. on 28 Jun 2005 | Tagged as: Babble
Let me get this straight, a 19 year old, already having a 3 year old son, went her entire pregnancy without fully realizing she was pregnant?
Not only that (keep in mind that she’s already done this once), but didn’t know she was in labor until the baby popped out.
Then her mother has the audacity to say:
“It was like a natural instinct,” marveled her mother, Julie Cohen. “She knew to push to turn the baby’s shoulder and to get the baby out.”
I find that hard to believe. “Natural instinct” should have told her she was pregnant long before ! Either the woman’s daughter is a little slow/thick or there’s more to the story that we’re not being told.
Supreme Court sells out
Posted by J.A.S.O.N. on 27 Jun 2005 | Tagged as: Politics
I have no words. Only grief, anger and disgust at what this country has become: beholden to the whims of big business.
Ok, I’m slightly overreacting. In reading more into it, all they’ve done is made a clarification and send the case back to lower courts for a new case based on the clarification. Essentially, a company can’t promote their services in ways that encourage copyright infringment and still be sheltered by the Betamax decision. They haven’t really ruled *against* P2P in a technical sense, but I’m sure it’ll lead to the closure of Grokster and any company that wants to make money from P2P-like services will think twice about doing it.
It still leaves a bad taste in my mouth as it gives the RIAA and MPAA wiggle room to go after any technology they feel promotes copyright infringement as a business model, but they do that now anyway. I don’t know what long-lasting affects this will have (I’m no analyst), but all I’ve been reading is doom and gloom.
I still hold that the Supreme Court sold out since the lawyers for the RIAA and MPAA didn’t offer convincing testimonies that their world was falling apart. I also still believe that this country’s lawmakers are in bed with big business and it’s going to do nothing but screw the average citizen and consumer.
Busted Stuff: The World’s Shortest Personality Test
Posted by J.A.S.O.N. on 27 Jun 2005 | Tagged as: Quizzes & Memes
Found this one at Busted Stuff. You’ll have to look at the top-left corner for the link to the “quiz”. You’ll see what I mean when you take it.
 You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. |
Car-B-Que
Posted by J.A.S.O.N. on 25 Jun 2005 | Tagged as: Babble
Now this sucks. On my birthday, of all days, while visiting my grandmother, she recieved a call that my grandfather needed someone to pick him up.
Apparantly, his truck caught fire.
Given his penchant for exaggeration and story-telling, I thought maybe he had an oil leak or a busted radiator.
Nope, it caught fire.
Anniversay #4
Posted by J.A.S.O.N. on 23 Jun 2005 | Tagged as: Babble
Four yeras ago today, my lovely wife threw caution (and sanity) to the wind and, in front of nearly 200 friends and family, agreed to spend the rest of her life committed to myself and me to her.
I’m still breathing, and for that, dear, I love you still! 
Seriously though, I couldn’t really imagine life without you and hope I never have to. Here’s to us and another year of love, life and happiness (and sex, don’t forget sex).
